Thank you to my dearest father (English version)
Dear my dearest dad,You were my guiding star.I never imagined a day would arrive when I would no longer be able to see you.I miss you terribly and find strength in the lessons you taught me.[Father 62 years old, Mother 60 years old]My father passed away at the age of 79 on August 17, 2024.It was a wonderful and happy time for my children and me to spend about two weeks with my father at my parent's house, from the day we returned to Japan on July 25th, 2024, until the day he was hospitalised before surgery on August 6th.Originally, I had booked an air ticket for my two children to return to Japan on July 25th, and for me to return to Japan on August 11th. However, I changed my return date at the last minute, listening to my parents’ requests and the advice of my brother, who is a doctor.This is why the children and I ended up returning to Japan on different flights.When I met my father for the first time in a year, he was very energetic and had a good appetite. While I was working remotely according to London time, my father, Hiro, Liz, and my mother went to the pool to swim, and we all went to a restaurant together five times.On the day my children and I went to KidZania in Tokyo with our family friends, my father and my mother went to the Health Plaza together, stretched at the gym, and enjoyed the hot springs.While watching the Japanese athletes' success at this year's Paris Olympics on TV with my father, I said, "If you can live another 10 years, I will be done raising my children, so I will come back from London twice a year for long periods and be able to take care of you and Mum and be there for you at the end. So, do your best in the surgery." I will never forget the look of joy and relief on my father's face when he heard that.My father's surgery was originally scheduled for August this year, so I asked my father to arrange for me to be added to his motor insurance, as I thought it would be better for me to drive in Japan this summer. Since I was not used to driving the big car driven by my parents, I had my father ride in the passenger seat this summer and received driving instructions from him.On the morning of the day he was admitted to the hospital before the surgery (August 6th), he gave Hiro and Liz some pocket money, saying, "This is your pocket money." None of us expected that he would be gone after the surgery, so the children greeted him normally, saying, "Grandpa, see you later!"I gave my father a hug and sent him off at the front door, saying, "Good luck, Dad, " and he headed to the hospital by car with my mother.[This summer - A few days before my father's surgery]On August 7, the day before the surgery, I happened to be looking at my mobilephone when my father called me. I was able to answer right away.He said, "I want to eat pears and castella cake, so can you ask your mother to bring them?" My father knew that we had pears and castella cake at home, so he asked me to do so. My mother immediately cut up the pear and took it to the hospital along with the castella cake.As my father was eating the pear with relish, my mother wrapped one of his hands in both of hers. My mother will never forget the warmth of my father's hands at that time, and she still cries when she remembers it. Then, he urged my mother to go home early, saying, "Hiro and Liz have swimming and football training, so please go home early." I think my father was anxious about the surgery the next day, but he was a kind person who put his grandchildren first before himself.My father underwent surgery for more than eight hours onAugust 8, but it did not go well, and he passed away on the ninth day after the surgery.During the nine days from the operation until my father's death, my mother and I visited my father at the hospital every morning and evening and had heartfelt conversations with him while he was asleep under the effects of medication.I felt like my heart was about to burst during those nine days, but I was deeply touched by the sincere response of his doctor and nurses, and I felt immense gratitude every time I visited him. Although those nine days were mentally challenging,my mother and I were able to support each other, talk about my father, and appreciate his greatness. (My children were not there because they stayed at my brother’s house as planned .)My father had meticulously planned the children's schedules for this summer in detail in an Excel spreadsheet, signing them up for sports/clubs and handling all the agreements.When my father passed away, it was as if he had the entire summer schedule in his head, and we hardly had to cancel any of the children's plans. I was able to spend the first half of this summer with my healthy father, witness his passing, attend his funeral with my children, and be there for my mother. As someone who usually lives overseas, it is very difficult to do this, so perhaps it was a miracle.Since my father passed away, I have come to realise how perfect he was. Additionally, I had about two weeks between my father's passing and my return to London, which allowed me to take care of the funeral, inheritance procedures, and other matters on my mother's behalf. I consider this very fortunate.My father was born in February 1945 and grew up in Yokohama as the eldest of four siblings. My grandparents have already passed away, but even as a child, I felt that my grandmother always relied on my father, the eldest son. He was a caring eldest son who was always concerned about his parents, as well as his younger brothers and sister.In the 1960s, a period when student social movements were particularly active in post-war Japanese history, my father entered Waseda University, where he joined the Aikido club, and enjoyed his student days by playing mahjong and mountain climbing. He studied hard before the entrance exams, saying that he could never repeat the year because he had younger brothers and sister, and when my grandmother saw my father studying in the middle of the night, he would often touch his hair with his right hand. This habit of touching his hair when he was thinking continued until recently.Especially after he retired, he and his Aikido club mates from his student days would go on annual trips together. He would participate in trips held all over the country in Japan with my mother. I heard that he also went to a reunion with my mother last autumn, staying overnights.My brother and I were raised in a typical Showa-era household, with my father as a businessman and my mother as a full-time housewife. During the bubble economy, my father, who was in his 40s, would entertain and receive entertainment almost every night, drink a lot of alcohol, and come home with a box of sushi from a sushi restaurant as a souvenir. He would drive to work and use a designated driver service on the way home. So, even though I was young, I knew the word "designated driver service".When I was in junior high school, I remember secretly hoping that "If I stay up late tonight, my dad will bring me a souvenir from the sushi restaurant." He was often on business trips and always received gifts, so I got into the habit of asking "What's the souvenir today?" after saying, "Welcome home, Dad." I still remember my father's wry smile and his face as he said, "M-chan, don't always think that Dad will bring you a souvenir."From an early age, I was taught the importance of training your body, focusing on sports, and joining a club. It was my father's advice that led me to join sports clubs in junior high school, high school, and university.When I was in elementary school, my father often took us mountain climbing on the weekends. I still have fond memories of the fun we had together. He took only my brother and me, but also the kids in the neighbourhood.I also have fond memories of my father driving us to go swimming on weekends and then taking us all out to dinner on the way back.I believe the reason I excelled at long-distance running and still have strong legs isbecause of the mountain climbing and swimming trips my father took me on. [Family trip abroad on the Oriental Express in Singapore in 2000]When I was in the last year of kindergarten, my mother designed a two-story house and built it where my parents' house is still located. My brother and I grew up in that house, but about nine years ago, the house was demolished and rebuilt into a functional one-story house on the same land.My mother's friends sometimes tell her, "You must be so grateful to your husband for being able to build two houses."The second house was also my mother's idea, so I think my father was very accommodating towards my mother, who was raised in a good family.[After I got married, they often came to England together]Even though my father was busy with work, he was diligent in helping my brother and me study. In particular, during junior school, he helped us prepare for exams in all five subjects. I believe that my brother was able to get into medical school and I was able to go on to the university-affiliated high school of my choice because my father taught us the basics thoroughly. After he retired, he enjoyed playing golf with his friends, going to the gym, and participating in club activities. He also loved studying, and whenever he had time he would sit down and study. In our family, we called my father "the examinee all through the year".He was especially passionate about studying English, the Tale of Genji, and British culture and politics. I believe it was also because of the influence of my father, who loved to study, that I came to England to study for a master's degree in the UK after working in Japan, and my older brother studied PHDs in medicine[Father showing off his studies at my husband's parents' house][My Wedding - Yokohama Hotel New Grand][My brother's wedding - Hawaii]Since I came to the UK, my parents visited me in London every year (sometimes twice a year) until the summer of 2019, before the COVID-19 pandemic.They came to help when Hiro and Liz were born. When Liz was born, my father came to the UK alone before my mother. Liz would cry a lot in the evenings, so it was a great help to have him hold her every evening, and we still talk about it often at home. Even though my father came all the way to London, the food I made wasn’t as delicious as my mother’s, and I still feel bad for him.I have so many memories and stories with my father that I can’t write them all here, but I really respected him and he was a dear father.[Father and Hiro in London][Father and Liz in London]It was my daily routine to talk to my father and mother in the morning before I went to work in London, but I feel very sad when I think that I can’t call him anymore.I always consulted my father when I was stuck or had a problem, so I feel like I have lost someone to talk to, and it has left a hole in my heart. However, I can’t always be crying and sad, and I don’t think that’s what my father would want. Since my father’s funeral, I decided to look forward and keep moving forward, and that’s how I have been ever since.As my mother and I always talk about, my father was born during the war when Yokohama was frequently bombed, and he grew up in the poor conditions of post-war Japan.He was the eldest of four siblings and had to endure a lot, likely not getting enough nutrition. In his prime, he worked tirelessly as a corporate warrior, spending his 20s, 30s, and 40s without taking care of his health. Looking back now, it may have been a miracle that he lived to the age of 79. I also believe that my mother’s support played a significant role in that.My father left behind my mother, who was grieving after 50 years of being with him, but he gained many benefits from being with my mother, and there is no doubt that he was lucky to have met her.My parents met through an introduction(omiai), and when they first met, they were supposed to meet in front of Hachiko in Shibuya, Tokyo. My mother was very late, but my father continued to wait for her. They talked at the Shibuya Francais cake/coffee shop, and when my mother saw that my father had waited for an hour and 40 minutes, she decided that she wanted to be with him.[My parents' wedding - Yokohama Hotel New Grand][Duet between Father and Mother - Hakone Tour with British Relatives & Friends from UK]Since my father’s family funeral was held on August 22nd, many people have been coming to my parents’ house almost every day to pay their respects. These visitors include neighbors, former co-workers, golf buddies, English conversation groupfriends, Genji Monogatari group friends, Shigin class group members, friends and couples, and university friends (both seniors and juniors).My mother seems to be very busy scheduling visitors and preparing food to entertain them, but she appears to be enjoying herself as she talks about my father and processes her feelings.My father loved to drink with everyone, so I’m sure he would be happy to see this.[75 years old at my father’s golf course]I wish my father had lived a little longer to watch Hiro, Liz, and his other grandchild (my brother’s only daughter) grow up, and I wish I could have talked to him more. There’s no end to my desires. My mother is almost 77 years old and has never had any illnesses so far. She enjoys golf as a hobby and used to go to the gym with my father six days a week to improve her golf score. She is now gradually returning to the gym, and I hope she will live a long and healthy life. I also hope she can come to London again so that we can celebrate her 80th birthday together.[The photo that became my father’s memorial portrait]
